If I ask you, what do you want? Inevitably the answer will be: “to be happy.” One may say I want a car, house, education, love, child, pet or anything else. As long as our basic needs are fulfilled like food and shelter, we want things or objects to make us happy.
What is happy? Happiness can be a long or short-term feeling if the conditions that we have outlined to make us happy are fulfilled. So, to be happy is a temporary emotion. It can change momentarily when conditions are not to our liking. We have set the conditions in our mind to what will make us happy. It really has little to do with things outside of ourselves.
Every person has different reasons for what will make them happy. All those reasons will require the world around us to conform to our desires. This of course is not always possible. Therefore, our happiness comes and goes. Contentment on the other hand is different. It comes from the inside and is not conditioned by external factors. It is defined as “a state of happiness and satisfaction.”
Contentment is not having everything but being satisfied and grateful with what we have. It is an inner feeling. It is not conditioned by outside events. If we are thankful for what we have, we will have more. If we constantly are hankering for things we do not have, we will never be satisfied. If we are content with what we have, then we can enjoy the pursuits of what we want. Contentment does not take away desires for more. It takes away the discontent if we do not achieve those desires. It takes away the feeling of unhappiness. If we can not be happy with what we have at this moment, then how do we know that we will be happy with what we desire.
Contentment is an inner feeling that all of us have available. We are programed to look outside, rather than inside. We find that inner self through observation and becoming aware.
If we become mindful or practice mindfulness we learn to be in the moment. When in that moment, without the mind running around, the body begins to relax and we feel less needy, we feel more alright and content. We come into the natural state of our existence.
When we are mindful, we can see what external factors we think that are needed to us to feel complete as a human being. Is it money, a better job, validation, success, or other things? Having goals is good but requiring them to make us feel complete is a major problem. It reinforces that we are not Ok at this moment. Which in turn does not allow us to feel self-acceptance and happiness because it is contingent on external things, which are out of our control. This leaves us feeling insecure and helpless. That feeling of insecurity prompts us to look for more things to make us secure. It is a vicious cycle.
One of the most precious (and curious) statements in Scripture is Paul’s words in Philippians 4:12: “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.”
It’s hard to read this verse without some intrigue. Content? In any and every situation? And he wrote this while he was unmarried, imprisoned (unjustly), constantly persecuted and misrepresented, and relentlessly tempted to live in regret for his grievous past? We rightly marvel at Paul’s statement. But one word in this famous verse is often overlooked—the third one. Did you notice it?
Paul says, “I have learned the secret of being content…”
This one word is enough to provide mountains of hope for every reader, reminding us that our past mistakes, present difficulties, and unknown futures do not consign us to a life of discontent. According to this verse, contentment is not something one naturally has or doesn’t have; it’s something she learns.
- What do I have in my life right now that I want to keep?
- What do I have in my life right now that I want to quit/change/improve?
- What do I have in my life right now that I want to release? (for example, the pressure to be perfect or self-imposed anxiety)
- What do I love?
- What is most important to me?
Taking the time to dive deep and honestly investigate what matters most in your life—across all facets—is one of the most important steps to living a more joyful, productive and successful life.
Finding clarity on what matters in your life, and validating your personal values are two critical steps in taking a transformational step forward in life. It’s an exercise worth its weight in gold, and sometimes is more effective when done with a life coach. Push yourself, and don’t rely on long-held beliefs to dictate your answers. It will help you find more contentment, productivity and success in your job—and in your life. It’s time to challenge the status quo so you can grow.
Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. ― Lao Tzu
