Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” It is the feeling that arises when we see someone suffering and want to help them. Compassion motivates us to help. Whereas with empathy we feel the pain of the other and can understand their perspective, but it does not motivate to help.
Compassion connects us to others and brings our innate natural nurturing feeling to the surface. We nurture our children. We feel fulfilled when we help our fellow man. We want to be connected to our world. Compassion is when we give without expecting anything in return, when we are kind just be so. Compassion takes us to a feeling that we are all one. Life with compassion takes on meaning and purpose.
Research has shown that when we feel compassion, our heart rate slows down, we secrete the “bonding hormone” oxytocin, and regions of the brain linked to empathy, caregiving, and feelings of pleasure light up, which often results in our wish to care for others. Our “right anterior dorsal insula” becomes highly active when we feel kindness and compassion and it is also very active when we meditate.
Compassion is that innate desire to feel one with the universe. That feeling we also get when we meditate. Our innate desire is to go back to the source. The source is present in everything of nature. God is omnipresent is the teachings of all religions. So, when we feel compassion, we are accessing our innate humanity.
In times of crisis that innate nature comes forth. A young Louisiana man was driving early in the morning and noticed a house on fire. He quickly ran inside to wake people up. He found four children, woke them up and rushed them out. Then went back for another child. All children are fine, he was rushed to the hospital with burns. When asked, he said he just had to do it. It is in our nature to help others.
Our own negative assumptions and judgements prevent us to be compassionate to others and ourselves. These are in our mind, and not in our heart. These mental concepts that we have implanted are not always for our own health and well-being. Hatred and judgement are a result of a feeling that certain things will make our personal life feel better. With other words, we have created a whole scenario of what life should be for us to feel good. Life has much diversity, and we just focus on a small portion of it to feel good. If it does not give us what we think will make us feel good, we begin to suffer. This is why Buddha states that life is suffering. The suffering is not from life, but our mind and our beliefs.
We create an endless list of desires that we think will make our life more meaningful. But once those desires are fulfilled, it still leaves us empty, and more desires come to the surface. If I get this job, if I have this car, if I have……….. then I will be happy. No object or person will make us happy. It comes from inside and is nurtured and fulfilled when WE care for our family and friends, or when our heart opens.
It is unfortunate that we box ourselves into a very small aspect of life. We live like the Chinese story of the Frog in the Well. The story is about a frog who lives happily in a well. He has no idea what’s outside of that well. One day a turtle comes along and tells him about the great wide world, and the beautiful blue ocean. The frog becomes embarrassed when he realizes he’s been living in such a small, sheltered world.
This world is so full of wonders and varieties, but our mind must be open to it. We only see what our mind is programed to see. I just bought a car that is a wonderful light bluish grey, a color that I have not seen before. I started driving it, I realized so many cars have that color. We seem to see only what is familiar.
Charitable organizations appeal to our compassion which in turn compels us to give financial support to these charities. It is that connection that we feel towards the suffering of others that creates compassion. Most people feel this when it concerns their personal environment or family. But we need to realize that we are all one. Through compassion we acknowledge the commonality of the human condition, and we remove cruelty, indifference, and selfishness. According to the Dalai Lama “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”
Self-compassion leads to greater happiness. It allows us to be motivated and feel the joy of gratitude. If we are not self-compassionate, we may feel depression, anxiety, inadequacy, and a host of other self-negations. Self-compassion allows us to be able to deal with life stressors, like birth death, divorce, failures, and health crises. Self-criticism leads to fear and failure and undermines self-confidence. Self-compassion leads us to reach our full potential. We will not beat ourselves up when there is failure. With other words we accept life the way it is.
We need to take the time and look at ourselves. The self-criticism of I should have or could have needs to be examined. Remember we are always trying to do our best with the tools that we have at that time. Maybe we were tired, hurting, angry and could not have done better. Once self-compassion takes hold either through self-examination or meditation our innate compassionate nature will automatically surface, and we are on the way of finding joy in life.
“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
― Albert Einstein
