Vairagya or Detachment
We think of detachment of losing something. But detachment gives us freedom and joy. It allows us to live life fully. So what is vairagya or detachment? It literally means absence of attachment and is usually defined as renunciation, self-abandonment, relinquishment, or self-control. It is generally interpreted as the abandonment of certain material things or of the world itself. But in reality, detachment is not an abandonment of things. Sage Patanjali defines vairagya as: complete mastery of the mind over the cravings for the object of the senses as seen or heard. There is no abandonment or renunciation of objects only the attachment to them.
Attachment becomes a mental habit of thinking of personal desires. The mind is is attached to so many things like home, family possessions, etc. These eventually will become a source of unhappiness. If we are attached to an outcome of certain things and they are not fulfilled, then we become unhappy. If we look upon our partner to fulfill our needs and they cannot, we become unhappy with the partner. When analyzing we can say that all unhappiness is the lack of fulfillment of our attachments. We get angry when things do not go our way. We become depressed when our emotional needs are not met and so on.
So our attachments are in reality a perception of what we think will makes us happy or fulfilled. We need to ask if those perceptions are really in our interest or are they preconceived notions that we have adopted without reflection. Whatever we are experiencing we are looking through colored glasses, never really the truth. We say that we see the truth, but in reality, it is our individual interpretation of that truth. That interpretation is guided by previous experiences, by our mood, our likes and dislikes and expectations at that moment. From those experiences we form attachments. The same experience at a different time with a different mental outlook will become a new experience only if we are free from our attachment to a certain outcome.
The best way to explain what vairagya looks like is to compare it to unconditional love. As parents we love our children unconditionally. That does not mean we approve of everything that they do but we love them anyway. We may reprimand, correct, or demand but our love for them does not diminish. The love is not conditioned by our desire or expectations. One may say that is the only true love. Most of the time our love is conditioned to fulfilling one of our needs. Ma Yoga Shakti defines that as” the business of love.” If you fulfill a certain need, I will love you; if not I divorce.
The main things that we are attached to are food/drink, relationships, positions, and money. All of those are wonderful to enjoy in our life. But when attached, if those are not fulfilled, we then experience pain, rejection or discomfort. The question now is do we really enjoy life? The world was created for us to enjoy. If we predetermine what quality of life will give us that enjoyment, then we are not open to any other form of enjoyment. We are looking only to what we perceived as good. It binds us to a specific life. This limits our experiences, and we begin to live a life of similar patterns. How we think and what energy we project determines our life. Our thoughts are like a magnet and attract similar thoughts and circumstances. Joe Dispenza the neuroscientist explains it as: “If you are living with the same emotions and feelings day in and day out you create the same environment and the same habits.”
We are not free. We have built a boundary around our life that is predestined to experience only according to our attachments. Let us remove this self-created wall. Let us look and see what we are attached to and then determine if it is holding us back from living our life fully. There is always a shadow side to all of life, we must be willing to accept them and move beyond their restrictions. In this world to expect only pleasure is unrealistic. We have day and night, life and death, it is a world of duality. The ideal way to experience life is to be in the present moment. Just like a child full on wonder, as if all experiences are new to be explored. When we do that we are free to build a life that we will enjoy in the present moment without referring to the past nor expecting in the future. Detachment is not that we own nothing, but that nothing owns us.
Letting go is tough. We need to be patient and start with observing the mind. What are we thinking of habitually, how does the thought affect the mind and body? What are we expecting form others? Remember we cannot control others. Our strength is within ourselves and does not come from external circumstances. Our power is by finding happiness within. Let us learn to respond to circumstances instead of reacting and reflect on the situation. This is a lifelong process, and it takes time.
“True detachment isn’t a separation from life but the absolute freedom within your mind to explore living.” Ron W. Rathbun
